Mommy of Four...

It happened, Jason came down with strep.  So now, one week after my c-section I have been on my own for a couple days (he's been on anti-biotics for almost 24 hours, tomorrow, I rest).   Since I've been home from the hospital, I haven't really been around the entire family all at once.  I have also never had to manage all of the kids at one time....until today.  This morning I was up helping Kaysia get ready for school, while feeding the baby her morning bottle and breaking up the taunting between Kyson and Camden.   For a brief moment I looked around and thought, ALL of these kids are MINE.  It was a holy crap kind of moment to say the least.  I know that it won't always be easy but I know it will all be worth it.  My kids are awesome and I enjoy each and every day with them.  I just need a bit more practice handling them all at once!!

Miss Kenzlee's first photoshoot...

I decided since baby and me were in quarantine I would make the most of it and take some pictures.  Taking pictures of a newborn  by yourself is not an easy task, especially one week after a c-section.  We made the most of it and I think that her pictures turned out better than I expected!

The arrival of Kenzlee May and the days after...

The night before my scheduled c-section I had so many things running through my mind.  March 4, 2011 would be a bitter sweet ending to a chapter in my life.  I wanted kids for such a long time, how many I was never really sure.  In a blink of an eye my child bearing years came and now, they are gone.  Yes, I am still young enough to have more kids if I desired, but our family is complete and Jason and I have decided that this would be our last child.  I was so happy for the pregnancy to finally be over, I was huge and miserable but at the same time, I was sad that I would never again feel life inside my belly.  The morning of my c-section I was SO nervous.  I have never had a baby come out of me like that before and I wasn't really excited to experience it either.  It was like having my first all over again, I had no idea what to expect.  Throughout my pregnancy I have heard things like, "I love my c-sections, I wouldn't have babies any other way" and "Prepare for the worst pain you will ever feel in your entire life!"  Still I woke up nervous but so excited to meet this new little girl that would complete our family.  Kaysia woke up that morning complaining of a stomach ache.  I gave her breakfast thinking she was just hungry but that didn't help.  We had made the decision that she couldn't go to school, but what were we going to do with her.  We had arrangements for the other kids to go to a neighbors house until my sister got off of work at 3:00 to pick them up (we had to be at the hospital at 10:30).  I couldn't send my sick kid to the neighbor's house who has 5 kids she could possibly get sick.  I was in a panic.  I made a few phone calls and realized there was no where for my sick daughter to go.  As I sat on the couch my good friend sent me a text that said "Good luck and if there is anything you need PLEASE let me know."  I immediately called her and asked if she could come stay with the kids for a few hours until my sister could come.  Here it was 8:40 in the morning, she's about 45 minutes away, I was basically asking her to drop anything she had planned for the entire day and come NOW.  She did just that.  She will always be the hero that saved the day!  Kaysia eventually perked up (like she always does after a puking spell, that's a whole other story). 

Jason and I finally got to the hospital got checked in and they prepped me for the delivery.  My nerves were going to explode, I was SOOOOO scared of what was about to happen.  Before I knew it Jason was all dressed up in his operating room get up and the wheeled me away.

The anesthesiologist warned me of 2 times where I would possibly get sick.  The first part was right after the spinal block was placed (it numbs you so fast, faster than an epidural that it messes with you system a little bit), the second was when they have to "clean" out your uterus.  You see with a c-section, they actually remove your uterus and ovaries from your body to "clean" it out.  The spinal block went smoothly and there was no sickness happening, I was very relieved.  Then I laid on the 'crucifix' and the doctor and anesthesiologist started poking at me to make sure I was good and numb.  Finally they brought Jason in and I know that our little girl was going to make her debut very soon.  Jason actually watched the ENTIRE birth, which was a surprise to me because he previously said there was no way he was going to watch that.  He said it was cool and thinks he'd rather watch a c-section than a normal delivery.  At 12:31 baby Kenzlee was here at 8 lbs 4 oz, way bigger than I expected considering she was 8 days early! 

She was so beautiful, even with all the gunk she had on her.  They showed her to me and I felt the most amazing feeling come over me.  I knew right away that all of my heartfelt prayers were heard and that despite the hardship of making the decision to have another baby and convincing Jason that this was meant to be (he only wanted two kids) and the agonizing toll it took on our relationship in the months before pregnancy.  She was perfect and was meant for us!!  I was so grateful that she was healthy and finally here.  As I laid there wrapped up in my emotions I started feeling REALLY weird.  I asked the anesthesiologist if this was the part where I was going to get sick and he said, "Yes".  Great, there went the feel goods.  Next thing I knew I was fighting back the puke and all I could feel was my heart POUNDING like I have never felt it pound before.  Not only was it pounding in my chest it was pounding in my face.  I was so hot and felt just ICKY!  Eventually that passed and the surgery was finished then it was off to the recovery room.  I had to spend a little extra time there because I wasn't doing so well.  They got everything under control then moved me to the room I would be spending the next few days in.  Eventually I was feeling up to having the kids come and meet their new sister.  Jason went and grabbed them from my hero and brought them to the hospital. 

Kaysia was so excited to meet her.  She has been wanting to be a big sister to a sister for a while now.  Remember the video when I told her we were pregnant?  She loved holding her and looking at her.  He eyes just lit up when she walked in the room and saw her for the first time.  It was awesome to see.  I was so thankful that she got her baby sister!  She will be such a great big sister and it will be cool to watch their relationship grow through the years.

Kyson loved holding her too.  Although he didn't hold her as long, I know that he loves her just the same.  Notice there is no picture of Camden??  Yeah, he wasn't that interested.  He looked, had a few comments then wanted to sit in the cool chairs and watch the TV.   I am so thankful for his lack of interest.  Later that night I got a call from my sister telling me that he was burning up with a fever.  SERIOUSLY?!?!  First Kaysia puking in the morning and now Camden is fevering.  I called my sister the next morning and found out that Kaysia was up throwing up all night and that Camden's fever was running super high all night if she didn't rotate the Motrin and Tylenol.  Here I am at the hospital with a brand new baby, two sick babies in someone else's care and totally helpless.  We decided that Jason needed to go home and be with the kids that night so my mom came and stayed at the hospital with me, since I still wasn't able to get out of  bed on my own to care for the baby.  Sunday morning I called Jason to see how the kids were doing.  Kaysia once again was doing great but Camden was not doing good at all.  Jason took him to the doctor and found out that he had strep and sent Jason to the hospital to run flu and RSV tests.  Monday morning we were preparing to be discharged we found out that Camden tested positive for RSV.  I had a melt down!!  How on earth can I take my newborn baby home to an RSV infested house?  Jason and I decided that I would have to be in quarantine in our room and that he had to go back home and totally disinfect our bedroom.  So here I am loving on my new baby, missing my others and getting lots of rest.  Jason has been amazing through this whole thing and I am so thankful for him!  My recovery has actually been a lot easier than I expected even though the past week ended up a lot harder than planned!  I have 2 days left in quarantine then we can finally be together as a family in one room, that is if the other kids don't end up sick, so far so good! 

Something to think about....

  In the church we are taught that after this life we are still able to have children with our spouses, raise children that we've lost in this life or if we are here when the millennium begins, we get to continue to raise the family we've started and add to it if we so desire.  I'm hoping for the third for my family, how wonderful it would be to raise my children in the land of promise where Christ is the ruler rather than Obama, and all the other nonsense politics we have today just disappears in the blink of an eye, and wickedness is bound. 
     So the burning question is.....What will bearing children be like during the millennium, or as resurrected beings, or even as spirits?  This question is something I've been continually asking myself.  Will you be sick? Will you feel so fatigued that you just want to fall over and sleep when life must go on?  Will your bones feel like they are going to break in half?  Will you gain just the weight of the baby, placenta and amniotic fluid or like in this life (for most of us anyway) blow up like a balloon in the butt, thighs, ankles and face? 
   I'm very curious and know that one day I will get the answers to some of my burning questions, for now,  I am grateful that I get to experience the baby wriggling and squirming inside my body and that I have been blessed with the ability to experience these agonies (with some joys) when so many struggle with infertility.   I will also look on the bright side of things...17 days until I meet the 4th beautiful miracle that has once again wreaked havoc on my poor body and pregnancy will be a thing of my past!

Christmas tree mayhem...

  About 5 years ago I bought a beautiful Christmas tree, unlit.  The reason I bought an unlit one is because Jason and I couldn't agree on what type of lights a Christmas tree should have, I said clear, he wanted multi-colored.  For years I set the tree up by myself, branch by branch, layer by layer, then I meticulously strewn 1200-1600 lights (colored of course, I give in too easily).   Four hours later, we had a beautiful tree with tons of COLORED lights, that I actually grew to love.  The 4 hours however, didn't include actually decorating the tree or the rest of the house for that matter.  This year I wasn't having it.  I did it by myself all those years and if I am going to be the one putting up the tree every year I decided this was the year I would simplify and buy a pre-lit tree.  I went on my shopping quest starting with KSL classifieds.  I found one for what I thought was a GREAT deal.  I brought the unopened box home then set out to get a few new ornaments to put on the 7.5 foot tree.  When I got to Hobby Lobby I decided to see how smokin of a deal I got and checked out the prices on their 7.5 foot trees.  I got a SMOKIN deal alright, on a tree that was at least 2 feet shorter than I had envisioned!  I was SO BUMMED!  I didn't want to call the people I bought the tree from and tell them I was an idiot and thought 7.5 feet looked more like 9 feet so I kept the tree.  Totally irritated I went to Sam's Club to get a big container of ornaments to make my own wreath.  I found my way over to the Christmas section and there it was.....the PERFECT Christmas tree.  Sure it was 12 feet tall, but hey my ceilings are 20 feet tall in the entryway where the tree would go.  I decided to get it.  Now rarely...ok, never, do I make a purchase like that without running it past Jason first.  I thought about calling him but I knew he'd surely say no.  So I decided to get it without his permission or opinion.  If I hurried, I could get it home, set it up and have it decorated by the time he got home anyway, then what would he do, make me take it down and take it back???   I grabbed the boxes (actually the kind worker's at Sam's Club grabbed them for me, who wants to see a pregnant girl try to lift awkward boxes when she is already so awkward looking??) paid for the tree and went home.  Now a tree this big would HAVE to have a lot of ornaments, something I didn't have.  I went a few different places and found the perfect ornaments to adorn my new tree with.  I hurried back with my ornaments and started setting up the tree.  HOLY CRAP that tree is tall, it looks a lot bigger in my house than it did at Sam's Club!  I risked mine and my unborn child's life just trying to put the top tier on the thing!  I hustled about putting the ornaments on and then dun, dun, dun,  JASON walks in.  He looks at me (I'm just smiling at him) and says, "WHAT is THAT"?????  I looked at him laughing and said, "Uh a CHRISTMAS TREE, duh, what does it look like?"  Then of course the very next question is, "How much was it?"  My response, "Isn't it beautiful?"  He just laughed.  I could tell he really liked the tree, I was relieved. You see Jason is a guy that appreciates nice things, even Christmas trees, but he doesn't like spending money for nice things.  Long story short, we had a beautiful tree this year and I am looking forward to putting it up every year (not pregnant).   The other tree????  Well, we decided to use that one too.  We put it in our living room and put all of our fun ornaments on it.  Our house was cozy this Christmas and I was sad to take it all down (ok, just a little sad, I got sick of redecorating the trees because my almost 3 year old thinks the ornaments are toys).

New Year's Resolutions....

   I've never really been a "long term" goal setting person.   I always set small goals, goals that aren't life changing or make me a better person.  For example, I will put a load of laundry in the washer and set a goal to have certain stuff done around the house before it's time to put it in the dryer.  That is about as good as my goal setting gets. 
    I have decided to teach my lesson in Relief Society, which is on January second, about the importance of goal setting and including spiritual goals into your resolutions.  Most would say I am not fit to teach this lesson because I have never done this.  Maybe this is true, and maybe the only person that will get anything out of what I say will be me.  Regardless, my personal goals have been weighing HEAVILY on my mind.  What the goals should be, who I want to be, and how I can set and achieve realistic, manageable goals.  So far my list of goals are:

1. Read the Book of Mormon ALL the way through once, then ponder and study it a second time beginning to end.

2. Start reading and learning more out of the Bible.

3.  Read at least 5 non-fiction books throughout the year about various subjects.

4.  Organize my house, and keep it that way.

5.  Organize my schedule and stick to it.

6.  Pray more both personally and with my kids.

7.  Make family home evening something that isn't "optional" depending on my mood or if Jason can't be there.

8.  Think less about myself and more about others.

9.  Recognize the needs of friends and family and be more charitable to them.

10. Plant a garden.

11.  Learn how to preserve that garden come fall with canning and freezing.

12.  Spend less money on "things".

13.  Spend more time with people that I love.

14.  Saying I love you more to my husband and children.

15.  Learn to understand my husband and children's needs, setting my own aside when the time requires me to.

16.  Learn more about myself to separate the 'wants' from the 'needs'.

17.  Be a better friend, not only to neighbors, but to my husband and children.

18.  Spend less time on facebook and the computer in general.

19.  Count my blessings when I'm feeling down instead of focusing on what I don't have.

20.  Learn and master the skill of patience.  I don't expect to be perfectly patient all the time, but I would like to learn be patient perfectly when things are small and not life altering.

21.  Start limiting TV time and game time not only for the kids, but for myself.

22.  Eat out less, cook more.

23.  Learn to eat healthy and teach my family the same.

24.  Start 2 new family traditions that can carry on year after year.

25.  Find good in people.  Especially those whose 'good' isn't their first recognizable quality.

26.  Run 4, 5k races, 2-3 6k races and finish the year off with the Layton half marathon in October.

27.  Learn to be more punctual.

28.  Be more reliable.

29.  Spend QUALITY time with my husband and children, both individually and together.

Realistic?  Achievable? Too few?  Too Many?  I'm not sure.  I do know that all of these things are so important to me and the first thing I need to do is prioritize.  I will learn as I go too (I hope).   In the meantime I will prepare my lesson and learn so much about myself and the things I 'need' to set, and set aside the ones I 'want'.  Afterall, isn't that one of my goals??



  

Kaysia's Surgery...

Over a year ago Kaysia started complaining that her neck hurt.  She showed me where it hurt and I felt her neck and felt a big lump.  I FREAKED out and took her to instacare right away.  The doctor was concerned it was her thyroid and he had me even more freaked out than I was when I went in.  He ran some blood work and her thyroid came back normal.  The doctor then referred me to an E.N.T. doctor to see the next day.  The doctor said it could be one of two things a Thyroglossal Duct Cyst or a Dermoid Cyst.  He said either way it needed to come out and he seemed too anxious to cut into my little girls throat.  I decided to get a second opinion and the next E.N.T. I saw actually ordered an ultra sound of the lump to determine what it was.  It was in fact a Thyroglossal Duct Cyst.  Both doctors said that it wasn't something that HAD to come out right away but told me the sooner we can get it done the better.  Having my beautiful daughter have a scar on her neck and the invasive procedure was unsettling so I put it off.  Well her cyst got infected and the doctor said it HAD to come out soon.  So we scheduled the surgery.  Kaysia was so excited to have her surgery.  The day before she was drawing pictures of the hospital and her cyst and the doctor.  I feel like I did my best to prepare her and not scare her but apparently I failed.  After they brought her out of the recovery room she was crying and said, "This is not what I had imagined at all"!   A few hours later she started perking up and wanted to color and do puzzles.  I was so relieved that she was getting her spunk back!  She was so hungry but could only be on a clear liquid diet, then later that day she got moved to a full liquid diet which meant she could have ICE CREAM.  I asked her who she wanted to stay in the hospital that night with her and she pointed to Jason.  At first I was sad that she didn't want me, but then I saw the bed Jason had to sleep on and I was secretly thankful that I got to go home to my AMAZING bed!  The next morning she was put back on a normal diet and she ordered bacon, sausage and potatoes for breakfast with chocolate milk.  She was so excited to eat!  We are home now and doing great, she is really bored and hasn't needed any pain medication.  She is such a trooper.  I'm so thankful that everything went well and that this adventure is behind us.

Look at her BEAMING with excitement!!

Her incision with the drain.  The drain had to stay in all day and night.

Watching TV doped up on Lori tab, not happy that it wasn't what she "imagined".

What a difference a few hours makes!!!

Her first meal in almost 40 hours.

She ate the entire plate!!

I do have to make note that the night before Jason gave her a really neat blessing in which he got a little emotional in parts.  When the blessing over Kaysia asked him why he was sad and we explained to her what exactly a blessing was and that it is so powerful it sometimes brings tears to your eyes.  We told her that when you get a blessing it is heavenly father speaking through the man giving you the blessing telling him what to tell you.  We told her that when daddy said, "Heavenly Father wants you to know he loves you so much" it was Him telling her that, not daddy.  The smile on her face was priceless!  She said, "When you were giving me a blessing my legs and arms got really tingly".  It was really neat to hear her explain how she felt the spirit.