My pregnancy is officially HALF over. I am so excited about that, but doing this 3 other times before I know that the second half feels a lot longer than the first! I have so many mixed emotions about having another baby. Of course there is the excitement of a new little life, the snuggling and just cuteness, but with the good comes the bad. The unknown pain of a c-section scares the crap out of me since I will be having my first and only one this time around and the post partum depression is not a walk in the park either. When having another baby, sometimes the bad out weighs the good for the first few weeks. It will all be worth it.
We get to find out the gender on Thursday which is always exciting, but to be honest I am a little nervous. I REALLY want Kaysia to have a sister. I have been blessed with 2 and want her to know what it is like. I'm afraid of telling her she has to have ANOTHER brother. I catch myself almost referring to the baby as a 'she' ALL the time! I love my boys SO MUCH and to have another wouldn't really be so bad for me, but like I said, I really want Kaysia to have a sister and she REALLY wants one so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
This baby will be our last, I am so happy yet nervous to make that a permanent thing. I can't wait to start our lives as a complete family. Sometimes being pregnant or having a new baby can really put a wrinkle in things like family vacations. I know that I can't provide the kind of life that I want my kids to have for anymore than 4 and sometimes I think even that is pushing it. I want to be able to put them each in a music lesson and an activity like dance or sports. I have two now doing those things I am spread so THIN, I am not sure how I am going to do it with four. Of course I will find a way, mommies always do. One day I also want to be able to help them through college, go on missions and just be able to help them financially become the person they want to be when they grow up.
For now I am enjoying all the little kicks inside my belly and day dreaming (night dreaming too for that matter) about the day that we can welcome a new life in our family. I am savoring this pregnancy (even though being pregnant isn't one of my most favorite things in the world) and trying to create a permanent memory of exactly what it feels like when the baby moves and how it feels to have a bulging belly.
1 comment:
I understand how you feel about being able to have your kids learn an instrument and be involved with dance or sports (or art classes in my case). It is definitely a *LOT* of driving around, and the cost adds up, but I always think about the future I am helping create for my kids and how grateful I am to be able to have them learn these things. You're at a good point in your life right now and have a lot of great moments to look forward to! :D
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