Car Accident....

On Friday March, 19th I was in my first ever car crash. I was driving along on Redwood Road and the traffic was flowing great. One of the kids in the back was talking to me so I looked in my "kid view mirror" then when I looked forward again traffic was at a complete stop. Now I would say that I was probably driving at a speed of 45 mph, give or take a few miles. The car in front of me was close and I was full speed ahead. I slammed on my brakes and swerved to the left into the emergency middle lane but it wasn't enough. Next thing I know I am looking around the white smoke filled van trying to register what had happened. I looked back at the kids, who were all crying then felt a horrible pain in my arm. When I looked at my arm I realized the air bag deployed and had burned my arm from wrist to elbow with skinned raw wounds. I am trying to calm the kids down when my own stability was completely comprimised. All I knew was, my kids were upset and I CANNOT cry or be upset either. My brain is so confused I probably sat in my car for almost 10 minutes before I picked up my cell phone in a watery mess on the floor and called Jason. I told him I had been in an accident and I don't know what to do. He asked me if me and the kids were okay and I told him I thought we were fine then he said I needed to call the cops. I told him I don't know the number and he said, 911, yes you can all laugh at me now, but at the time I wasn't thinking it was an emergency, life or death emergency like I have been taught to only use that number in those types of situations. I noticed the woman whose car I hit was on her cell phone so I finally made my way from the driver's seat to the passenger side and got out of the van. Now I know I hit hard but I didn't realize how serious it was. When I stepped out of my van I looked at the ground it literally looked like a bomb went off. There was debris EVERYWHERE. Small pieces of what used to be my head light and the silver metallic sage fender of my van. I looked at my van and NOTHING was left on the front passenger side. My beautiful van was bare to the frame in that area. WOW, I really crashed hard. I asked the lady if she was alright and apologized for hitting her. When I asked how she was doing she dramatically said "I don't know, I think I need to go to the hospital, my head, I really hit it hard", meanwhile, her kid who sat bouncing in the front seat who could not have been older but 10, is telling me oh we are okay, we are fine. Her son then noticed my arm and said , "your arm are you okay?" His mom heard her son then quickly asked, "how about you?" Now I am not passing any judgement and I do feel HORRIBLY for hitting her. But really? Yes, she needed to be checked out, yes I am sure she is injured and I am sure it hurt like the dickins, but I put myself in that situation and I think the appropriate response would be "I will be okay, but I really think I should be checked out." I don't know, maybe I don't think the same as other people, but when you are a mother and you have scared children relying on you to reasure them things are okay, there is no need for drama. Anyway, next thing I know there are 4 cop cars 2 ambulances a paramedic and a fire truck. I looked around and thought to myself, "Is this really necessary?" I think I underestimated the seriousness of it. When I look back at the accident and the 'could have beens', I realized that even though it was a horrible experience God was there, he protected me, my kids and all that were involved and everything worked out EXACTLY as it needed to to keep everyone as safe as possible. Had I not swerved the injuries would have been worse I am sure. Had I swerved too much, I would have went into oncoming traffic and collided head on with another car, and that I am POSITIVE would have had major injuries! I am happy to say that other than some sore muscles and a scraped up arm, I am doing great physically, most importantly the kids all walked away with not a scratch. Mentally I am having a hard time. I would like to think of myself as strong person that things like this wouldn't have an effect on. Like riding a horse, you fall and you get back on. The next day I was a passenger in my mom's car and there were a few times I had to hold back the tears. I felt like I was having an anxiety attack! Now I haven't been in a car for an entire day and I need to be driving to Salt Lake tomorrow and I am scared to death. I think about it and I just wail up in tears. Is this normal???? I know it isn't the end of driving for me, but I hope the anxiety goes away quickly because driving is a HUGE part of my life!

I learned 2 things that day. I learned that God does watch over us and protects us from harm if it is his will. I also learned a very important lesson of motherhood...
No matter how scared you are, or how much pain you are in, when your little ones need you to be strong you have no choice but to be. I have NEVER been in a situation like this where I just wanted to crumble and I suprised myself at the strength that I had to hold back ALL tears, not one was shed (by myself). My cry was there in my throat, but my voice did not shake, my tears where in my eyes but never came over my lids. All I wanted in that moment was for my husband to get there so I could get in his truck turn my head and let the tears flow that so desperately wanted to for well over an hour!

Tomorrow I will make my way to the tow yard to pay my sweet van a visit (yes I suddenly feel like my van has feeling and that I really hurt them!) I will get some pictures of the poor thing and post them soon.